Cultivating Trust with Your Infant

I wanted to give you parts of this letter… it can be found in The Montessori Baby: A Parent's Guide to Nurturing Your Baby with Love, Respect, and Understanding - A book I would highly recommend. Essentially it outlines all the ways in which a caregiver could interact with an infant… and is a letter from the infant’s perspective. It’s beautiful, genuine, sweet, and kind.

“Dear grandparents, friends, caregivers,

Thank you for visiting me. You are special to me.

Please handle me gently. Ask me if I’m ready before you pick me up, and wait until I respond. Check with me if I’d like a hug or a kiss. And you can tell that I need a little more time if I arch my back, turn away, or cry. Don’t take it personally. Sometimes I need more time to warm up.

When changing my diaper, feeding me, or bathing me, talk to me and tell me what you are doing.

Touch my body as if it was the first time you had been touched. This is still very new for me. And there is no rush. I love these moments for connection.

Talk to me-if I make a sound, you can copy me. Tell me about all the things around me-the names of those trees, flowers, and vegetables. I want to know everything. I like a bit of a sing-song voice, but it doesn’t have to be over-exaggerated and you don’t have to use nonsense works like “goo, ga, ga” — copy my sounds, but otherwise talk to me as if I understand everything. Because I am taking it all in.

I know I said talk to me, but I also like quiet when I’m concentrating on something. Let me finish exploring my hands or toes, that leaf, that rattle, that mobile, that ball. My concentration is just as important as yours when you are focused on your favorite thing, so please don’t interrupt.

If I fall down and cry, wait a moment before rushing to pick me up. Let me feel it. I am discovering how things works. Sometimes I’ll be okay and get back up as if nothing happened. If I do need some comfort, you can check if I’d like a hug. Dno’t tell me not to worry, or not to cry, or try to distract me. I want people to allow me to process these feelings. Maybe just ask me if it was a shock.

When I am crying, I am trying to communicate something. Please don’t ignore me. I don’t just cry because I am hungry. I cry when I am having trouble falling asleep (a comforting hand is sometimes enough). I cry when I’m overstimulated from our day (soothing me and removing stimulation helps). I cry when I want to try something new (perhaps we could try a different space or a different activity). I cry when my stomach hurts. I cry when I have wet or soiled my diaper (it feels so strange against my body). I cry when I’m wearing some clothing that is scratching me (please use soft clothing with few seems or tags that can irritate me), or when there is a crease in the blanket I am lying on (i know it seems small, but it feels liek I”m lying on a scatchy log right now!) I cry when there is a lot of movement in the house (I love my siblings but can we find a quiet place right now?). I cry when there is little movment in the house (I’d love to lie under the trees and watch the leaves move(. I cry when I have drunk too much milk (and my stomach needs time to digest that last feed). And some days I just feel scranky for no reason and I’d like you to love me anyway.

Help me as little as possible, and as much as necessary- if you help me too much, I’ll never be able to make thse wonderful discoveries ofor myself; but if you don’t help me at all, I may give up on the world around me. I know you’ll find the right balance.

Let me be close to you.

And let me down on the ground to explore.

OR. take me outside. Nature is the best present.

Please share your personal gifts and talents with me. Sing to me, play an instrument, take me out in the garden as you plant the bulbs, show me how you knit or carve wood, teach me your facvorite sport or card game, tell me about the old days.

I don’t need a lot fo physicla gifts. I prefer simple toys that don’t flash or sing noisy songs. I like ones where I need to think and interact twith them. There are lots of And they are often not what you find in toy and baby stores. I don’t like those screens— the light makes it hard for me to sleep. And I’d rather be able to touch real objects and put them in my mouth.

And speaking of my mouth, that is how I observe the world right now. So let me put things in my mouth, and remove things that won’t be safe for me.

Smile at me, laugh with me, look deep into my eyes.

Love me. I love you right back.”

This letter has a way of making me tear up- remembering to touch a baby as if it is their first time being touched is so incredibly important… and we forget all the time. Touch is powerful, and babies are deserving of respect, and intention.