Supporting Your Partner's Bonding Journey with Your New Baby
In my family, we always talking about the “team.” No… I wasn’t an athlete in school (try sewing classes, choir, and piano…) but I always WANTED to feel like I was part of a team. And now I do! TEAM SPAETH! The team analogy works with my partner, but it also works with the kids. And if it starts out in your family culture when your kids are babies… it can be really valuable.
As a team, it's crucial to support each other through this transformative experience. At the beginning, an essential aspect of this experience is ensuring that both parents have opportunities to bond with their new baby. Here’s how you can step back and create those precious moments, along with ways to show up meaningfully for your partner and your baby.
1. Recognize the Importance of Bonding Time
Understanding the importance of bonding is the first step. Both parents need to form a deep emotional connection with the baby, which is vital for the child's development and the family's overall well-being. This is true in the newborn phase, and if you are able to START these habits now? It will benefit your relationships for years and years… remember… this baby WILL grow up into a human that you will argue with.
2. Trust and Encourage Each Other
Trusting your partner's abilities is crucial. Avoid micromanaging or hovering when they are with the baby. Encouragement goes a long way in building their confidence. Celebrate their unique ways of caring for the baby and acknowledge when they are clearly trying.
3. Create a Supportive Environment
A supportive environment nurtures both the baby and the parents. Here’s how you can contribute:
Listen and Communicate: Regularly check in with your partner about how they’re feeling and what they need. Open communication fosters mutual understanding and support. (And helps to teach them how to do this for you!)
Provide Emotional Support: Parenthood can be emotionally taxing. Offer reassurance, listen without judgment, and be empathetic to your partner’s experiences and feelings. (Even if them having a cold and staying in bed all day feels completely ridiculous when you just birthed a human.)
Encourage Social Support: Encourage your partner to connect with other parents or support groups. Sharing experiences and advice can be incredibly helpful and reassuring.
4. Show Up When It Matters
Giving space doesn’t mean stepping away entirely. Being present and involved is equally important. Here are ways to show up meaningfully:
Participate in Baby Care: Doing these things together can make a huge difference. Consider- a diaper change that involves lots of screaming? If you’re both there trying to soothe, you’re in it together and it feels less overwhelming. This not only strengthens your bond with the baby but also shows your partner that you’re in this together.
Quality Time: Spend quality time as a family. Simple activities like reading to the baby, playing, or taking family walks create shared memories and strengthen family bonds.
Be Attentive: Pay attention to your partner’s needs. Whether it's a nap, a break, or a moment to themselves, recognize and respond to their needs promptly- and expect the same from them!
Celebrate Milestones Together: Be there for the baby’s milestones, no matter how small. Celebrate these moments together as they form the tapestry of your family’s journey.
5. Respect Individual Parenting Styles
Each parent may have a different approach to caring for the baby. Respect and embrace these differences. Avoid criticism and instead, offer constructive support if needed. Trusting each other’s instincts and methods fosters a harmonious parenting environment.
FOR THE NON-BIRTH PARENT:
Balancing responsibilities is key to giving each other space. Here are some practical ways to support the beautiful human who birthed your baby!
Solo Time: Plan regular solo time for your partner with the baby and for YOU with the baby. Planning takes mental load…. need I say more? This can be during feeding, bath time, or walks. Uninterrupted time to bond and develop your parenting style is important for BOTH of you.
Household Duties: Take on more household chores, allowing your partner to focus on the baby without feeling overwhelmed by other responsibilities. Just make sure you both feel these are balanced- check in frequently about this as things change!
Work Flexibility: If possible, adjust your work schedule to be more present at home, giving your partner a break or taking time to bond with your baby.
Be Attentive: Pay attention to your partner’s needs. Whether it's a nap, a break, or a moment to themselves, recognize and respond to their needs right away! This might be a new language you need to learn.
Navigating parenthood is a team effort, requiring mutual support, understanding, and respect. By giving each other space and opportunities to bond with the baby, while also showing up meaningfully, you create a nurturing and loving environment for your growing family. Embrace this journey together, celebrating each other’s strengths and cherishing the unique bond that forms with your new baby.
