Sadie’s Birth Story
In honor of my daughter’s upcoming 5th birthday (!) I thought I would share what I wrote a week after she was born! Enjoy.
Sadie’s Story
Early Sunday morning, 37 weeks and 4 days along, my water broke. I made my way to the bathroom in the morning as usual, but on the way felt a tiny little gush that certainly wasn’t pee… I knew two things immediately: it was definitely amniotic fluid, and I was definitely not ready.
I texted my midwife, Morgan West of Hummingbird Midwifery to let her know what was going on and ask her what I should do. She suggested going about my day as usual, but canceling all of the yoga classes I was scheduled to teach- that each thing I did should be to nourish me, or rest. I called the owner of the yoga studio to ask her to cover my classes indefinitely, and proceeded to go about my morning as planned. I started by getting ready to have brunch in the city with the wonderful women I did my prenatal yoga teacher training with. When I arrived it was all I could do to simply say hello, rather than- “My water broke this morning.” Thankfully, our teacher was there and she was teaching a gentle prenatal yoga class which I had planned to attend. She walked with me to try to get contractions moving along, and then honored me in the yoga class by giving me a beautiful stone with a seal on it (so that she might slip out like a slippery seal).
By the time I completed the hour-long drive back to Castro Valley from San Francisco, I had called my mom who was out of town, and my sister who was surprisingly difficult to get ahold of, and basically all of my closest friends to let them know that things had changed. I was not going to be the “average” of 40 weeks and 5 days… Baby was coming early, and I was coming to terms with that. That evening, we had a scheduled meeting with our doula, Jessie Conrad for some discussion on breastfeeding and baby care (very timely).
At Home
Morgan said we had 72 hours to safely deliver at home with a ruptured water bag- which gave us until Wednesday morning. So when things still were not moving along by Monday morning we started using a variety of tools for natural induction. We started with the breast pump, Black Cohosh and Cotton Root, as well as two homeopathics. I was having little contractions throughout the day but nothing too exciting. Shaffer and I had a wonderful time strolling in between breast pumping, we watched Wonder Woman with my mom who had returned very quickly from her trip, and tried not to worry that things weren’t progressing quickly enough. I slept through my contractions Monday night, and woke Tuesday morning feeling discouraged.
Morgan arrived Tuesday morning to start me on castor oil. I took the castor oil and then re-started the breast pumping and herbs, and things finally started to pick up. Shaffer and I watched the Lego Batman movie and took a short walk, all the while I really had to breathe through the contractions and focus on them. We tried different comfort measures just to practice, and it was really nice to have Shaffer but I wasn’t really in need of him for the contractions until the evening hit. Things started to pick up after Morgan checked me and found that my cervix was very soft but not dilated at all, and we decided that I would take a second round of castor oil. I needed Shaffer, and I was miserable while I was breast pumping. But the plan was to do the protocol (Cotton Root, 15 minutes of pumping, Black Cohosh, 15 minutes of rest) from 8pm-10pm, 12am-2am, and 4am-6am. We confirmed with Jessie that she would arrive at around midnight, and Morgan would arrive around 4am.
Laboring at home was one of the most beautiful things I can remember doing- despite the diarrhea and vomiting brought on by the castor oil. Shaffer frantically put up the christmas lights while Jessie comforted me, and Jessie made gentle suggestions for different positions to try. I found the contractions increased when I laid on my side, and we found different positions that made them manageable. Shaffer said most of the night was spent in the dark with one candle lit. At one point, Jessie suggested we dance, and Shaffer did the most wonderful thing. He played Claire de Lune on his phone; he held me with strength through the contractions, we swayed and I cried, wanting to remember the sweetness of the moment forever.
When Morgan arrived a little after 4am, she checked and found that I was only 2cm dilated. It was discouraging because I knew how close we were to the 72-hour mark, and it seemed unlikely that I would be able to dilate enough in only a couple of hours. After Morgan arrived, Shaffer went to take a nap, and when he returned I was laying at a diagonal on our bed, and he laid down next to me. He later told me he kept saying, “remember this,” to himself as he spooned me. Morgan allowed me to labor for a few more hours, but I was still only 4cm dilated when she checked at daybreak, and this time she found that my cervix was swollen.
Somewhere in there my sister arrived, we packed bags and headed to the car. Shaffer sat in the backseat with me while my sister drove, and though I know the contractions were strong, I can hardly remember the sounds I made. I know I was loud, and it did not feel as though I was coping well, as there were tears between the contractions knowing that I was going to a hospital despite what I had hoped for.
The Hospital
When we arrived, there was some confusion in triage- the nurse told our midwife she had to leave but the hospital midwife became really frustrated when we didn’t know the answers to her questions- which were, “So what can we do for you,” when I was clearly in active labor… She then gave me the most violent vaginal exam I have ever had- Now I can’t tell if it was just my sadness of being in the hospital or if she was really rough, but it was traumatizing and I screamed, holding onto Shaffer. Finally she realized that our midwife had been asked to leave and scolded the nurse for doing so. Things were cleared up, and I was not required to be placed on IV antibiotics despite the time since my ruptured water back because I had no fever.
The medical team was not only concerned about the time since rupture, but they were watching Sadie’s heart rate closely which did not show a lot of variability, and had dipped during contractions a few times (it should accelerate). Morgan said the lack of variability could mean she is sleeping, or it could mean she is fatigued which would be a whole issue. They allowed me to labor in a dark room but my contractions slowed way down, and at one point I told Shaffer “These are really easy,” because the contractions had spread out so much. I sincerely believe the threat of that vaginal exam and being in the hospital were the main reasons my labor slowed down, but it could easily have been the fact that all the natural induction methods we were using had worn off. Eventually they convinced me to try Pitocin to speed things along because of the risk of infection. Contractions continued to be long and strong. They checked me in the afternoon and I was at 6cm, still swollen. It is difficult to describe the sensation I felt during a contraction. It was impossible not to make a vocalization, and sometimes it felt impossible not to scream- it was different than I had expected… more difficult to cope with the pain than I had anticipated. Even with the incredible support from our doula, midwife, and from Shaffer, I was in agonizing pain. Part of me wants to blame the Pitocin, but I also believe that my cervix was just not ready to be contracted against that strongly… and my water breaking at 37 weeks and 4 days was just a fluke.
The hospital midwife asked me to lay on my side for 10 contractions and I sobbed through two of them, and my midwife and doula moved me out of the position quickly- I think it was clear I was suffering. I spent a long time laboring in the bathroom, and I remember Shaffer leaning against the wall and holding me, crying. He said, “You are so brave.” I found out later that he had to leave multiple times to cry with my sister’s boyfriend, Jon. I can’t imagine what it was like to hear me in that amount of pain. Finally, a few hours later I told my midwife, doula, and Shaffer that if I hadn’t dilated any more I would get an epidural. I understood that a swollen cervix meant inflammation, and inflammation could not go down unless I slept. Sure enough, I was still only 6cm dilated and my cervix was even more swollen.
I discussed it with Morgan and she explained exactly what would happen, and that only one person would be able to stay with me when the epidural was put in place. So, on Wednesday evening after more than 24 hours of labor, Shaffer held me while the epidural was put in place, and I finally rested. The epidural was fascinating. The anesthesiologist explained that it targets the pain and temperature pathway--the lateral spinothalamic pathway. So I could still feel pressure, and I had some motor control, but the pain of the contractions all but disappeared. This allowed me to sleep, which I hadn’t done since since Monday at around 5am. Being able to rest during the contractions allowed my cervix to relax. And it allowed Shaffer to sleep!
Virgo Baby
The nurses joked that it was clear that this baby was going to be a Virgo, and at 12am the hospital midwife Neel (new since I had gotten the epidural) came in to check my dilation. She said I still had a lip, but she was really pleased with my progress and would come back in a couple hours when I would be ready to push. In the meantime, my father had visited, my sister made sure that I was comfortable, she brought her boyfriend in, we chatted a little and she fed me miso soup. We had one of our mind reading moments when a new nurse showed up and had terrible bedside manner… I’m lucky to have my sister who has wonderful bedside manner and has a way of being very protective of her little sister.
Sure enough, Neel arrived at 2am just as I started feeling pressure in my pelvis and wondering what would happen if I just pushed before anyone arrived. Shaffer held one of my legs while my midwife held the other, and even though my contractions were 6 min apart (far!), I pushed on each one until she slipped out like a slippery seal at 3:08 am!
After Birth
With our midwife and doula’s help the hospital made it easy for us to decline the procedures we did not want to have (the eye ointment and the Hep B shot). They let her stay in skin to skin as long as I wanted, for the entirety of pushing the placenta out and longer. We worked on latching a little but she didn’t seem interestd. She was 5lb 14 oz, 17 inches. She was SGA (babies are considered small for gestational age below 6 lb… so barely) so they checked her blood sugar (119, and then four hours later 101). My mom and sister who had been there the entire time finally left to go sleep, and Morgan and Jessie stayed with us until we were in our post-partum room. They stayed until around 7:30am to make sure we were empowered to ask for what we wanted, which was to go home.
Thankfully, I was running on adrenaline, wide awake, and called the front desk asking, “May I please speak to your charge nurse?” I explained the postpartum care that was waiting for us when we got home and asked what exactly was necessary before we left. We were lucky- she moved very quickly to get us home. The hearing screen team came in to test Sadie and as they took her to the other side of the room the phone rang and they said, “that will be the birth certificate people.” And a few minutes later I sent Shaffer down to pick up the paperwork. The pediatrician came and gave us the all clear. My father and sister arrived to see Sadie, and my sister rushed us out the door when we found out that Morgan (midwife) would do the cardiac screen and the metabolic screen at home.
Shaffer and I sat in the back seat of the car with Sadie… we had planned to get the car seat checked on one of the many days I was in labor, so we were both nervous about having her in the car seat. We both held on to her little head to keep it from bobbing around. My sister drove us home and got us settled, Morgan came over to check on everyone and start really focusing on breastfeeding. She called a lactation consultant right away when it became clear that Sadie was having trouble latching, and we fed her with a little syringe for the first few nights. Morgan gave us a little tube to feed her through as well, and Shaffer cherished those moments when he got to feed her.
She has now completely figured out breastfeeding with a nipple shield, and is starting to get the hang of it without the shield. We saw our midwife every day for the first four days, and then every other day, and now she will come every few days. The lactation consultant came Friday and called or texted for three more days to make sure things were progressing well. Our doula came on Sunday to recap the process with us, and we have had many other visitors throughout the past week.
Shaffer is the most giving caregiver… I didn’t get up to change a diaper or swaddle our little Blueberry for the first three days. He fed me, and made sure I was getting exactly what I needed- from weird requests like psyllium husk, to the oxtail broth we made after my water broke, to the placenta smoothies he graciously makes me because he knows it’s what I want. I still find reasons to get weepy every evening, but Shaffer just holds me and tells me I am ok.
We are feeling so loved and supported by everyone, we are so happy, and so in love. I couldn’t recommend a home birth more- even if it doesn’t end up taking place at home ;)
