The Birth Trauma Bond

In this post I will answer questions like:

• Why don’t I feel bonded to my baby?

• Did my birth trauma impact my ability to bond with my baby?

• How can I bond with my baby after a traumatic birth?

The journey into parenthood is often depicted as a blissful experience filled with joy and love. Or sometimes, in the movies, a huge waterfall of amniotic fluid and screaming. But most of the time, birth doesn’t go as planned. It always looks different… and the same experience of birth could be traumatic to one person, and not a big deal to someone else.

Birth trauma not only affects the physical and psychological well-being of the mama and baby but can also have profound effects on the emotional connection between them. In this post, we'll explore how birth trauma can impact bonding and attachment, and offer strategies for navigating this challenging terrain.

Understanding Birth Trauma:

Birth trauma can encompass a range of experiences, including prolonged labor, emergency cesarean sections, fetal distress, shoulder dystocia, the use of forceps, vacuum, a hemorrhage, meconium ... and then all of the aftermath that occurs when these things happen.

Arguably, the most profound trauma a mother and infant can face, is the moment when they are separated.

I would define trauma as any occurance that causes one or both parents to feel alone, frightened, and vulnerable. Moreover, witnessing the pain and distress of a loved one during childbirth can deeply affect partners as well.

Impact on Bonding and Attachment:

The period immediately following birth is critical for the formation of secure attachment between you and your newborn. The recommendation is to bring baby into skin to skin and maintain that as long as possible. I have worked with some incredible nurses who will perform all of their newborn screens and heel sticks in skin to skin… it is an incredible analgesic. However, when birth trauma occurs, this process can be disrupted. As a new mother, you might experience feelings of guilt, inadequacy, or detachment, especially if you perceive yourself as having failed to protect your child from harm. Fathers and partners may struggle with feelings of helplessness or distress, unsure of how to support you or connect with the baby. If your baby requires a NICU stay, sometimes it’s hard to feel as though it is your baby.

For the newborn, the stress hormones released in response to traumatic birth experiences can interfere with the natural bonding process. Infants may exhibit signs of distress, such as difficulty latching onto the breast, excessive crying, or difficulty sleeping. These early interactions play a crucial role in shaping the infant's sense of security and trust in their caregivers, laying the foundation for healthy attachment patterns later in life. But don’t let this alarm you. There is so much re-wiring that occurs in the brain… SO MUCH! And you have so much time to nurture your bonding and attachment.

Navigating the Challenges:

Recognizing and acknowledging the impact of birth trauma is the first step towards healing and rebuilding attachment. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Seek Support: Reach out for help from healthcare professionals, counselors, or support groups specializing in birth trauma and postnatal mental health. Talking about your experiences in a safe and non-judgmental environment can be incredibly validating and empowering.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: It's essential for you to be gentle with yourself and recognize that your feelings of distress are valid and understandable. Practicing self-care, whether through meditation, journaling, or engaging in activities that bring you joy, can help alleviate some of the emotional burden.

3. Connect with Your Baby: Even if the initial bonding process feels challenging, remember that attachment is a journey that unfolds over time. Here are some ways to build trust and connect.

   • Spend quality time with your baby

   • Do skin-to-skin

   • Snuggle, cuddle, kiss, blow raspberries

   • Talk to or sing to your baby

   • Practice gaining consent for touch

   • MAKE (and maintain) EYE CONTACT!

   • Infant massage! (If you aren’t local, you can still learn infant massage from me here)

4. Involve Your Partner: Communication and mutual support are crucial for navigating the aftermath of birth trauma as a couple. Share your feelings openly with your partner, and work together to establish a support network that meets both of your needs.

5. Consider Professional Help: If feelings of anxiety, depression, or PTSD persist, seek therapy or counseling from a qualified mental health professional. Therapy provides a safe space to process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and work towards healing… in an ideal world, we would all be in therapy.

Remember, It’s Not Your Fault.

Birth trauma can pose significant challenges to the bonding and attachment process between you and your newborn. Know that if you don’t feel bonded to your baby, there is nothing wrong with you. There are neurobiological rewirings that are happening in your brain every single moment, and over time things will change. With understanding, support, and proactive coping strategies, it's possible to navigate these difficulties and foster a strong, secure relationship. Healing takes time, and it's okay to ask for help along the way. By prioritizing self-care, seeking support, and fostering connections with your baby and partner, you can lay the foundation for a warm, connected, healthy and nurturing family dynamic.

References:

1. American Psychological Association. (2013). Postpartum Depression.

2. Beck, C. T. (2004). Birth trauma: In the eye of the beholder. Nursing Research, 53(1), 28-35.

3. Klaus, M. H., Kennell, J. H., & Klaus, P. H. (1998). Mother-infant bonding: The impact of early separation or loss on family development. Infant Mental Health Journal, 19(2), 179-190.

4. Leckman, J. F., & Mayes, L. C. (1997). Parental representations and infant psychosocial development. In Handbook of infant mental health (pp. 42-58). Guilford Press.

5. National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (2013). Birth and Early Developmental Trauma.

6. O'Hara, M. W., & Wisner, K. L. (2014). Perinatal mental illness: Definition, description, and aetiology. Best Practice & Research Clinical Obstetrics & Gynaecology, 28(1), 3-12.

This blog post was written with the intent of providing general information and support and should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice. If you or someone you know is experiencing significant distress or mental health concerns, please seek assistance from a qualified healthcare provider.