Pleasure Without Pressure

Sep 15

“What do the words pleasure without pressure feel like in your body?” Emerald May from Rooted Pleasure asked our support group this week.

The room was split. Some reporting warmth in their chests, deep breaths, calm… and others sharing their discomfort even with the word ‘pleasure’ and how far away they feel from ever achieving that at this point.

It doesn’t matter if you are pregnant, newly postpartum, or years away from the birth of your baby… your body changed every day for the time it took you to grow your baby, and then has been trying to find its way back to equilibrium every since! You are postpartum forever… your body is forever changed. And this always begs the question…

“Who am I?”

Who is this new body… what do I like? What brings me pleasure?

Here are the most amazing takeaways I had from spending the morning with international certified breathwork & intimacy coach, Emerald May. She was generous enough to send an e-mail with notes from our conversation, so this should really cover it for you ;).

1. Create Time for Pleasure (It’s Possible!)

Pleasure doesn’t require hours of free time; even small moments count. You can play 3-minute games, spend 10 minutes feeding each other chocolate, or simply exchange appreciations for small things. (I noticed that you brought in flowers from the yard, and it just makes such a huge difference to brighten our home… It makes me feel like you care about me when you do that // Orrr // You putting the kids to bed while I did the dishes made me feel like we were a really good team!)

Make it a priority, and show your children that self-care is essential, not a luxury. Take responsibility for your own joy—whether it’s “us time” or “me time,” and help your partner and kids see that taking care of yourself makes you a better, more present version of yourself.

2. Slow Everything Down

When’s the last time you really slowed down? Allow yourself to settle into each moment, and don’t be afraid to make adjustments until you find that perfect, “just right” Goldilocks feeling.

And hey, thank your partner when they make adjustments to meet your comfort! Gratitude opens the door to even more connection. It’s worth it to feel fully comfortable so you can really let the pleasure in.

3. Explore Pleasure with Your Senses

Think about pleasure through your five senses—just for you. What brings you pleasure through:

Sight: A beautiful sunrise, your baby’s smile, a clean, calm space.
Sound: Soft music, birds chirping, the sound of your baby’s laughter or coos.
Smell: Fresh flowers, onion and garlic simmering, the smell of coffee brewing.
Taste: A bite of dark chocolate, a juicy peach, your favorite drink.
Touch: The warmth of a blanket, the softness of your skin, a gentle hug.

Pleasure isn’t one-dimensional. It can be aesthetic, emotional, intellectual, sensual, or spiritual. Spend some time identifying what brings you pleasure in each of these areas. And write it down! Knowing what you enjoy makes it easier to seek out those moments.

4. Mindful Eating: Savor the Moment

Here’s a fun one we learned about from Emerald that you can try today: Mindful eating. Slow down, look at your food, smell it, run it across your lips, and let it melt on your tongue. You can even playfully tease yourself by pulling it away before finally letting the taste fill your mouth. Then, if you’re with your partner, feed them too—inviting them to engage all their senses.

Want to take it up a notch? Here’s an idea from Emerald: Blindfold your partner and feed them a mix of sweet, salty, and sour foods, and then swap roles. See how the experience shifts when one sense is removed!

Remember… this is “without pressure” so there is no expectation that this activity leads to anything. It’s just a fun thing we are trying to stay connected.

5. Pleasure Showers

Turn your everyday shower into a pleasure ritual. As you wash, slow down and appreciate each body part. Speak kindly to yourself—tell your body, “I love you.” Make sounds that feel good, and enjoy the experience for you. When you apply moisturizer, make it an intentional practice. Slow down, breathe deeply, and let each moment of self-care be a celebration of your amazing body.

“Touch your own body with the same care and reverence you touch your baby.” - Emerald May

6. The 3-Minute Game

Here is a brief overview of Dr. Betty Martin’s 3-minute game. It’s similar to the sensate practice I recommend we talk about first steps towards intimacy after birth. (But I think I like this better!) It is an easy way to build connection and practice pleasure. Simply ask each other:

"How would you like to be touched for 3 minutes?"
"How would you like to touch me for 3 minutes?"

The person receiving touch can make as many adjustments as they need—ask how the pressure feels, how the speed is, and here is my biggest take away:

Follow up with, “Like this?”

When Emerald said that to me, it was so affirming. I was able to really think… “like this?” oh… “yes! that is what I imagined!” and if it wasn’t… I believed she actually wanted to know, and would change until it was what I imagined.

At the end, the receiver says “thank you,” and the giver responds with “you’re welcome.”

Pro tip: It’s really hard to give feedback. Keep communicating, make adjustments, and remember—you deserve pleasure, no matter what that looks like for you today.

7. Practice Makes Progress

Remember, pleasure is a practice. Keep creating these small, sweet, and manageable containers for intimacy and joy in your life, whether it’s with your partner, your kids, or just for yourself. Every moment of connection counts!

If you want to get in touch with Emerald, e-mail her at hello@rootedpleasure.com or follow her on Instagram!

Here is her website: www.rootedpleasure.com

I would love to hear about the small ways you’re letting more pleasure into your life!

Love,
Emily

Written in collaboration with Emerald May.